Jeremy Emberling [Dot] Com

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I bought a box of these.

giblee posted a photo:

giblee posted a photo:

giblee posted a photo:

In life we make many interactions with other people. We have good relationships and bad relationships. When you do finally meet someone whom you connect with and really find a common bond it is usually a nice experience. We all look for someone to connect with, someone to show things with, to help cope with bad situations with, and to also rejoice with. I sometimes sit back and assess my relationships with people and many times I see holes that need to be mended.

I have to ask myself why those holes are there and if I am having a positive or negative effect on the person’s relationship. It’s not an easy thing to assess, since it points out insecurities and vulnerabilities in myself that I see in the way I treat others sometimes. I also assess what the other person’s effect on me is. Is it a negative or positive effect on my life? The more I assess, the more I see that the relations I currently have are having a negative effect on me.

Many people have been looking and talking to me differently lately. It is apparent they are observing a change in me. They are correct in their assumption. I am beginning to see that my relationship problems are rooted in my insecurities. I have for too long been very selective about what I say to people to make them happy. The error in this is that I am trying to make the person feel like nothing is wrong with their decisions or that I agree with what they are saying to find some kind of acceptance.

This is a flaw that many of my relationships have been built on. I could probably pinpoint the beginning of this to when I was in Junior High after I moved to Louisiana. I did not fit in at all, so I fit in by pretending to be someone I was not. This is a common trait in teenagers, sadly. The “change” I have made is eliminating that insecurity of mine. The relationships that I currently have have became very unbalanced since I have made this change. One relationship is on the brink of ending.

So back to self assessment here… is this a good thing? Yes. Why? Because… I am being me… not Jeremy Emberling the person know me as- but the person who has been on the inside dying to get out. To some I may be “changing myself” but in reality, I am just being myself for the first time. I am now working on my side of the relationship problem. The other side, the people I have relationships with, are either going to accept the change or I will sever my ties. That’s it.

The fact that people have known me for some time but never knew me is something I don’t think people will quite understand. I’m not the crazy, outgoing, witty person I appear to you. I am actually a very dark, inward person who would rather not play the charade I play for you. The thing is, when I step out of my character people want me back in because they are scared of what I have to say or don’t understand it. The character I play is easier for people to consume then how I truly am. But you know what? I don’t care how people accept me any more. Say goodbye to Jeremy- he’s dead now. So sad… so sad.

Just remember… next time you look at “the new me”, just remember, it’s the real me you just haven’t met yet.