Jeremy Emberling [Dot] Com

Three men in a room.
One is looking out the window.
One is staring at the ground.
I’m observing the two.

He looks out the window, reflecting on the life he’s lived. Some would look at his life as being somewhat successful. He’s lived a life full of women, money, and having very good connections. He sheds a tear because, even though he’s had what many people wanted, he’s alone. The tide has turned and it’s all gone. He’s missing, but no longer missed. He considers whomever listens to him family. Sadly, he keeps running away from everyone and everything so he’ll never be happy. It’s sad.

He looks down, realizing his life is in total chaos. He enjoyed the chaos at first, but it has now taken everything from him. He’s had similar success as the first man. He could have a different girl every night, if he wished. Not too long ago, he was throwing around money like it was nothing. Now, he’s broke and everything is crashing around him. For him, the soothing light at the end of the tunnel was just a freight train heading his way.

I don’t know how to comprehend how I feel. I wanted to be like them. Party, have tons of chicks, throw money around, you know, have the whole “successful” life thing. I realized that’s not what I was really searching for, though. It was happiness. I assumed happiness came part of the package. I was mistaken. Funny.

“Walk in the light, and happiness will follow.” Meh. I found myself in the same ruts regardless of walking in the light or not. Think about it. Don’t you find yourself in the same place? Makes you wonder why we even try. I have really had different thoughts on religion than most everyone I’ve met. Most people would say I’m hypocritical, but that’s not the case. Their image of a Christian is just wrong. That’s why I don’t even call myself one. It’s just tied into a crappy stereotype. We weren’t called to be Christians, we were called to be disciples. Yeah. Go figure. I consider myself that. A disciple. So, you know, I have this different view on everything, and I have to say, I find myself just as depressed as these two guys. Either side you go, you’re gonna have the same ups and downs. Funny.

So with life being pretty much one crappy adventure after the next for everyone, I think it’s safe to say that even though it can seem far fetched, a positive afterlife isn’t such a bad thing to believe in. Even if you’re wrong, you still can cling to hope for life in the next. It’s really all I have right now to cling too, and I think it’d help these two guys out a lot. Just a thought.

Take what you will, what you will and leave.
Could you kill, could you kill me?
If the world was on fire
and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It’s me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell.
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I’m stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.