Jeremy Emberling [Dot] Com

Change.

This election, it’s all you hear about. It’s Obama’s catchphrase and McCain wishes it was his. Regardless of how the election goes, the change we are seeking will not be satisfying. I know I wish I could believe the government could make my problems better but look at me. I work a job that I should get paid twice what I am paid, I turn around and pay over half of it on bills, and hope the rest lasts me for the next paycheck. More taxes will kill me but so will the decreasing value of the dollar. We’re screwed either way.

I’d like to go to school, but I didn’t even get a legitimate high school diploma. Oh yeah, that’s right. I went to a high school, graduated, and their diploma isn’t even recognized by the state. It’s as if I dropped out. That’s the way to show someone who stuck it out through so much. So… college wasn’t something I wanted to do anyway. I hated school the entire time I was there, mainly because I had learned everything I was interested in, and I realized in high school, I wasn’t going to use most of the stuff they taught us anyways, and college is just more of that. Even if it’d help me better my job, I’m out of luck there.

The change I’d like to believe in is really simple but unbelievably unpractical. Like I’ll ever see the day when our flag actually holds reverence, enough reverence not to use it as a marketing device to slap on shirts and bumper stickers. A day where our constitution is upheld and isn’t corrupted by neo-liberals and religious zealots. This is the most important election in history? Please. This is all theatre.

I’ve come to terms that as much as an idealist I am, I’m just as much a realist. Because of this, many in the Christian community would call me liberal, and that’s not what I’m aiming for. If reality has a liberal bias, I’m sorry? I’ll never make the Christians happy. Not even Jesus can manage that, though. With all this political talk of change, it’s got me thinking about change in my life.

I’ve been trying to change the world through any means possible. I fight the system every minute I can. I try to open eyes and inform the masses. I know I’ve been destined to literally change the world, but I have no idea where to begin or what to do. I know what my purpose is, but I have 404 days, and about 8 hours before that part of my life takes off. In the meantime, I’m really lost. I am in love but no one to love. I feel alone and broken. So out of touch.

I really don’t know where I belong. For someone who really has his mind and thoughts together, I have the same trap that other higher minds throughout history have had… It’s finding a place with other people where you aren’t speaking over everyone’s heads, have relevant conversation, and not seem arrogant. I’m not asking for much, just someone that can be what I am to everyone else. I guess that’s why I do what I do for everyone, because I know just how it feels to not have that person around them.

Obviously what I’m doing here isn’t working. Nothing I’ve done my entire life has worked. Change? You tell me…